


bother

by popnographic



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Fluff, M/M, Manga Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-19
Updated: 2017-06-19
Packaged: 2018-11-15 21:30:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,640
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11239641
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/popnographic/pseuds/popnographic
Summary: Levi wonders if Erwin is ever bothered by his situation, because Erwin doesn't ever show if he is.





	bother

**Author's Note:**

  * For [maybeillride](https://archiveofourown.org/users/maybeillride/gifts).



> A fic dedicated to the best of the best, to Teresa for being amazing and for more than occasionally reminding me of why I love Erwin and Levi.
> 
> This was also inspired/fuelled by the end of season 2. Season 3 next year! Wohoo.

Sometimes Erwin forgets. It’s been several months, but as much as others would beg to differ when they’re disappointed in the commander, Erwin is only human. He is only human, and so he tends to forget that he lost his right arm in battle, to a mindless titan that didn’t know what consequences its actions would have, biting off the dominant arm belonging to the Survey Corps’ commander.

He drops things. A coffee cup, a shirt he’s planning on wearing that day, bundles of documents or folders. All because he hands it off with his left hand to a right hand that is no longer there. A right hand that used to be his dominant, and now he’s forced to give that role to his left hand. The remaining hand.

Levi observes him, because he doesn’t do anything if he isn’t told or asked to. And sometimes, even if people _do_ ask him, he’ll think about it, maybe even refuse. But if Erwin asked, Levi wouldn’t refuse. As much hatred as he’s harboured towards the commander in the past, now that Levi understands Erwin better, there’s not a single ounce of hate within him. It’s funny what time can do to people, to relationships, opinions, feelings. Sometimes things like these stand against the forces of time, and they don’t change in the least bit. Or they’ll change to the point where you won’t recognise them anymore.

In Levi’s case, he knows his past self—the Levi who lived in a time where both Farlan and Isabel lived, too—would beat the ever-living daylights out of his present self for going soft on someone like Erwin. Has he gone soft, or has he just grown up?

Levi stands in the doorway to Erwin’s study. Watches him bend down to pick up the folder he’d just dropped, and watches Erwin do all of this without a hint of annoyance. He’s learnt to read Erwin’s facial expressions and body language a long time ago, so even if he’d try to hide it, Levi would see that, too. But there’s none of it in Erwin right now. Has he given up? Is this why Erwin doesn’t sigh, doesn’t swear in exasperation, doesn’t even roll his eyes? What _does_ bother him?

“You don’t have to just stand there,” Erwin says as he stands up straight again, placing the folder on the desk with his left hand, his remaining hand. “You _can_ come in, Levi.”

He frowns briefly to himself, but walks inside Erwin’s office, anyway, quietly shutting the door behind him in doing so. The window is open, letting in a cool breeze that lightly tousles Erwin’s hair that has gotten longer than it ever has been. He also sports a beard nowadays, and Levi doesn’t know if that’s just what he prefers these days, or if there’s another reason behind it. He doesn’t ask, of course.

Levi elects to stand by the desk, looking out the window but watching Erwin in the corner of his eye. Erwin can do a lot of things despite only having one arm, and Levi wonders how in hell Erwin had the patience to learn to do so many things with just one hand and arm, because he knows he himself would never have been able to do it. It’s just further proof that Erwin Smith is the most determined, stubborn idiot Levi has ever known, while simultaneously being the person Levi respects more than anyone else.

Erwin has so far only buttoned about half of the buttons on his white dress shirt. Amidst dressing himself, Erwin has been sorting out reports from the military police, as well as notes of his own going over the last expedition outside the walls. Levi doesn’t have to read them to know that it isn’t something Erwin enjoys writing. It’s part of his job, and it may also have become a part of _himself_.

Left thumb and index finger pinch a button right by Erwin’s chest, and then he reaches his middle finger out to fetch the other side so that they can connect and he can properly button the rest of his shirt. When his fingers slip, Erwin tries again. Levi chews on the inside of his cheek, not moving a muscle otherwise. The silence around them is loud, annoying, and Levi still wonders if there’s ever anything that bothers Erwin. Not even this?

He manages this button, but not the next. It’s excruciating to watch, and Levi almost regrets having walked inside Erwin’s office. He clenches a fist by his side, feels the nails dig crescents into his palm, the sting that follows. The people inside these goddamn walls have no idea what kind of a man the commander is, and every time they’ve come back from an expedition having lost people, and the residents come out to yell their disappointment and anger at the commander, Levi wants to yell back at them. Walk a mile in our shoes, in _his_ shoes, see if you’ll enjoy being put in a position you didn’t choose for yourself, see if you would’ve made better decisions, had better results.

“Levi,” Erwin says, and there’s a slight hint in his voice that he might have given up. “Could you lend me a hand?”

Levi frowns deeper this time. “Really, Erwin?”

Erwin laughs a little. “Sorry. I have to find some amusement in this situation, somehow.”

He turns around, now facing and looking at Erwin properly. He’s buttoned his shirt wrong, so Levi steps forward to correct Erwin’s mistakes and continue what Erwin hadn’t been able to finish. Still, the silence hangs in the air uncomfortably, makes the atmosphere feel so heavy Levi finds it difficult to breathe. He hates this. He hates that this happened to Erwin, and he hates that _Erwin just doesn’t seem to care_.

“Does nothing ever bother you?” he finds himself asking, muttering. He looks down at the buttons on Erwin’s shirt, so he can’t see the expression Erwin is making.

“Of course some things bother me. I wouldn’t be normal otherwise.”

“No offence, commander, but you have probably never been normal.”

 _And that would make two of us_.

“I guess so.”

Then Erwin lets silence fall again. Maybe he doesn’t feel the need to elaborate, but Levi wishes he had, so he pushes it again.

“What _does_ bother you? Doesn’t… _this_ annoy the fuck out of you sometimes?”

When Erwin doesn’t immediately respond, Levi looks up. He’s done buttoning up Erwin’s dress shirt, anyway, so there’s no need for him to look down as if he’s still doing it, even if it would be a nice excuse to have since looking into Erwin’s eyes can be overwhelming in many ways. The muscles in Erwin’s face are relaxed, and his shoulders rise and fall slowly with his calm breathing. He’s as composed as can be, and Levi just doesn’t understand how. If this is him bottling things up, Levi would know he actually _doesn’t_ have Erwin all figured out, after all, and that Erwin is really good at hiding his feelings.

“It does irk me when I cannot do things on my own. Like get dressed,” Erwin begins. He sighs. “I’m used to being the one people come to for help, not being the one to ask others for it. I don’t _want_ to. I can’t just keep relying on others to do things for me all the time, because I have learnt over time—as I am sure you have, too—that people will not always stick around, for one reason or another. And if I rely on people too much, that will end up being my loss.”

Levi clenches his jaw, just as Erwin reaches up a hand to let his fingers slowly grace Levi’s cheek. “You should’ve just told me.”

“I know. I guess I value my pride too much, to the point where it makes me look like an idiot.”

“It does,” Levi says, and he rolls his eyes. But there’s no bite to his words, as they come out soft, maybe a little softer than intended. He leans into Erwin’s touch, no longer clenching his jaw, and allowing himself to relax. “I wouldn’t really rat on you for asking me to help you get dressed.”

“Oh, I know you wouldn’t. That isn’t what this is about. I guess… it’s about me having let my role as commander seep into everything that I do, that I am. I apologise, Levi.”

“Don’t,” Levi says. “It’s fine. I’m just saying you can ask me to remind you when you forget.”

The look Erwin gives Levi is one he can’t tear his eyes from; not that he would want to, either. Impossibly blue eyes that tell him so many things all at once, but for once it isn’t overwhelming, but reassuring. It probably says a lot about their relationship when a simple look can say so many things, and the other person understands.

“Now come on,” he continues. “We have to go down and lecture the brats.”

Erwin laughs again, shaking his head. “It’s merely a speech. And they aren’t _brats_ , Levi.”

No, he knows they aren’t. And Erwin knows Levi doesn’t mean it that way, either, because even though ‘brat’ can mean two things when the word comes from Levi, in this instance it doesn’t bear a negative connotation.

He sighs through his nose, and lets Erwin gently pull him close for a quick but intimate kiss. Levi considers these kisses a luxury, even if most of them have to be kept short, and treasures them. He knows Erwin does, too, because he can feel it the moment their lips meet.

 

* * *

 

Sometimes Erwin forgets. And when he does, Levi is right there by his side to remind him, and to be there for him when he needs it.

**Author's Note:**

> [tumblr](http://radiodread.tumblr.com) | [twitter](http://twitter.com/idiotmatsu)


End file.
